Pricey Amy: My daughter is 19. Her boyfriend is 18.
Over the summer time, they have been busted for smoking marijuana in her automobile.
The officer gave them the choice of letting simply one among them take the autumn.
My daughter volunteered; I thought-about this a really dangerous resolution. If this will get on her file she’s going to lose her monetary help and school can be, if not inconceivable, very, very arduous. Her boyfriend, nevertheless, comes from a really well-heeled household.
Regardless, she stated that she would take the quotation and he would pay the advantageous. Effectively, the case has now been heard and it was plea bargained all the way down to a decrease offense, however it comes with probation and $700 in prices/lawyer’s charges.
Her boyfriend has paid her $200. She says she is ok with that.
I’m NOT advantageous with that. He’s well-off. She is broke, and is working whereas going to a neighborhood school. He’s off at a college, and I feel she’s frightened that if she makes a giant deal about this, he’ll rethink the connection. However Amy, if she will get busted anytime within the subsequent three years, her schooling is in jeopardy, whereas in his eyes this episode is over.
I’m enthusiastic about sending him a textual content saying that he has a few weeks to pay up, or else I’ll pay a go to to his mother and father and inform them the story.
I consider one among his uncles was providing him $2,000 to remain ‘drug-free’ by highschool, though I have no idea if this cash was paid.
Is that this too petty? Is that this my enterprise in any respect? She is an grownup however she’s nonetheless my daughter, and I feel she’s being taken benefit of.
— Offended and Befuddled Dad
Pricey Offended: Your daughter “took the autumn” for smoking marijuana in her automobile.
She was smoking. In her automobile. She acquired caught.
Your daughter’s personal actions have jeopardized her monetary and academic future, and she or he has accepted the results.
The best way for her to not additional jeopardize her future is to not get busted once more. She ought to test to see if her file can be expunged after her probationary interval is over.
Sure, if you wish to finish this relationship between your daughter and Richie Wealthy, then positively ship him a threatening textual content. Perceive, nevertheless, that this may undermine your daughter’s personal (thus far) adult-like acceptance of her authorized and monetary penalty. She would even be rightfully very upset with you for interfering like a personality from a Liam Neeson film.
No, this isn’t your online business, until you’re paying your daughter’s payments — and it doesn’t sound as if you’re.
It’s best to at all times encourage her to face up for herself, together with when somebody owes her cash.
Pricey Amy: I learn your column addressing the decision for civility, politeness and respect within the midst of a local weather of vitriol and hatred [“Desperate About Discourse”].
The author and your response name for a motion of respect, and I’m happy to share that our group, Operation Respect (operationrespect.org), may very well be the motion you’re on the lookout for. From our curricula in colleges (Don’t Chuckle at Me Initiative) to onsite dialogue summits the place these of strongly held opposing views be taught to respectfully share, trade and specific their variations maturely and purposefully (Higher Angels program), we’re amplifying civility in all the right channels.
We welcome your readers to hitch the motion. Respectfully yours, and at all times!
— John A. McKenna, govt director, Operation Respect
Pricey John: Thanks for getting in contact. Operation Respect was based by singer Peter Yarrow (Peter, Paul and Mary), and does in depth “peace work” in colleges.
Quoting right here from a letter by Yarrow in your group’s web site: “…let’s cease specializing in the battle that’s raging and stay the legacy of goodness in our hearts for ourselves, and for our youngsters’s sake, and the sake of our future.”
Pricey Amy: I 100 p.c disagree along with your reply to “Questioning” about sending an e-mail to her father’s good friend who kissed her 15 years in the past.
You missed an enormous level! She invited this kiss by sitting and holding palms whereas he talked to her.
Questioning has half the accountability for giving vibes that kissing her was OK!
(I’m a lady, by the way in which.)
— Not Questioning
Pricey Not Questioning: “Questioning” was 18 years previous. This man was a good friend of her father’s. I acquired the impression that — removed from sending “vibes” — she didn’t wish to maintain palms with him. She actually didn’t wish to kiss him.